Are You Coachable?

There are 3 qualities you must possess, and one thing you must do.

I am a big believer in the priceless value of coaching and mentoring (in any important aspect of life), yet there have been times in my past when I have parted with significant time and money in order to have this type of support, only to find myself frustrated that I did not receive the benefits I expected. Each time, it was tempting to blame the coaching, or the specifics of the program…but when I took an honest look at my own attitude and behavior, I had to admit that I had not shown up as someone coachable.

Other times in my life, I have presented as the perfect picture of coachable! And I have been able to claim for myself the promised results. So what did I do differently? There are certain qualities, or personal attributes, which are necessary for learning and mastery, and especially for receiving and implementing the coaching or mentoring from another person more experienced with the desired knowledge or skills. The good news is, these qualities can be acquired by anyone who is open-minded, ready and willing.

I am going to share one of my personal success stories, which I think is a great example of what being coachable and receiving the benefits can look like. (I’ll share a less successful attempt, too, but that is not so inspiring!) I asked a coach who I am working with currently, what he thinks are the most important qualities that make a person coachable, and without pause he said the person must be: Humble, Hungry, and Wise. I thought about these qualities, and I decided that he is spot-on.

Here is my story:
Many years ago, I reached a point where medical advice had failed me too many times, and I also realized that I was unable to heal on my own (I was HUMBLE). I was desperate to get well (I was HUNGRY!), and I knew I needed real support. I did not give up my search until I found an excellent leader, teacher, and coach who himself possessed the level of health that I wanted, and I found a way to get myself into his sphere of influence (I was WISE).

I was focused on what I needed (health), and why I needed it (so my life would work again), and I did not concern myself much with how I would come up with the money, time, permission, childcare, etc. to access what I was ready to receive. I understood my priority. I was wise about choosing to learn from someone who walked their talk, and who truly lived and embodied their message of natural health. This inspired me, and convinced me that I would be in good hands.

And then….I surrendered to TRUST in my decision. I read all of his books, listened to all of his teaching materials, and as soon as I could, I drove to another state to meet him in person, and hear him speak. I listened, I took notes, I introduced myself and let him know that I was serious about healing, and I went home and applied what I was learning, every day. I was so hungry for success on my healing journey, that I put myself ‘all-in.’ I followed his system to a ‘T,’ applying to the best of my ability everything he advised. After all, he had achieved what I wanted, so he must know how to get there better than I did! The things he said, and the way he said them, made total sense to me, but applying them was not always easy. I accepted the learning curve, committed myself wholly to the challenge, cleared away distractions as much as possible, and soon began to see amazing results. I reminded myself that the higher I reach, the higher the challenges I am presented with. I cultivated an attitude of ‘bring it on, I am ready and willing!’

I believe that I got these quick results because I didn’t deviate from his proven system. I didn’t instill doubt, or sabotage my success by trying to follow several systems at once, cherry-picking from different teachers, making excuses or playing victim to old stories in my head. The positive results gave me momentum, which kept me going and going, improving and improving, day by day.

I traveled farther, to the other side of the country to attend a health festival where he was teaching, and then to his intensive seminars and a week-long group program. I hired him as my personal coach for a time. Eventually, I even traveled internationally to attend a 6-week residential program with this coach, leaving my three home-schooling children with other families, in an elaborate care-tree that I took the time and effort to set up so that I could fulfill my healing mission. I was humbled by the support from my community. I was also humbled by the depth and breadth of my mentor’s knowledge and wisdom, and I did what I could to immerse myself until I’d had my fill and felt confident that I had received what I wanted and needed.

When people in my own circle of influence began to see my good results, I was literally handed teaching, writing, speaking, and coaching opportunities of my own. I did not seek this out…I was truly, humbly, focused on helping myself to heal. But once I had that under my belt enough, I naturally wanted to help others lift themselves out of their suffering too, and I was grateful for the opportunities that were offered. I had something so powerful to share, I just couldn’t hold it back! People could see in me what I had seen in my coach - that I was passionately living my message of health and wellness - and it was magnetic.

Once I had devoted myself to fully learning and implementing the proven system I had chosen, for long enough to master it, I was then able to personalize it and make it my own. I remember the day when a student in my inner circle said to me, “You don’t need to say ‘he says’ anymore - YOU know and live this timeless natural wisdom now, and you can claim it and say it your way.” That was a beautiful turning point for me. I only needed to follow closely and directly in my mentor’s footsteps until I had my own firm footing. With mastery comes new freedoms.

What has prevented me from being coachable in some other life endeavors has always boiled down to one of these things: thinking I know better than the person in front of me who actually has achieved the success I want, or thinking I can or should be able to do it by myself (not being humble); not wanting whatever it is badly enough to put much on the line (not being truly hungry); or letting doubt, skepticism, excuses or distractions sabotage my trust in the guidance I’ve chosen (not being wise).

It’s important to know and trust ourselves well enough to be able to make wise decisions for ourselves, and then to follow through with them. I was unable to make good use of a pricey business coaching program once, because I had gone against myself by choosing a program I convinced myself I ‘should’ do, even though I knew I didn’t resonate very well with its message or methods. I told myself I could and should change this about myself. Sometimes that may indeed be effective, but not this time. What I needed was to choose a program that I could believe in, and therefore give it my best effort. Or maybe I just wasn’t hungry enough at that time.

This is what I have learned: when you really feel the truth of something, when the timing is right for you, when you are ready to bring humility, hunger, and wisdom to the table, and when you place yourself in the presence of the people who have what it is that you want…..you will bring wholehearted participation to the learning and implementation process, and you will reap great reward. This is the magical flow of natural law.