Existential Confidence

I got this title phrase, “existential confidence,” from Alan Watts, and I love it. To me, it suggests the confidence we can embody when we realize that we are already whole and complete in our being; when we understand that the meaning of life is expressed simply in being alive, and engaging fully in the now moment. We are complete already in our own presence, not needing anything from outside of ourselves to make us whole, worthy, and vibrantly alive and present to the miracles of everyday life.

“When you stop trying to live the right way, you live the real way.” - Alan Watts

If our wholeness is innate and guaranteed, then we don’t need the approval of others to prove we are enough. And if we don’t need their approval, then we also don’t need to be fully or properly understood, to prove our worthiness (to ourself or to anyone else). What if you already are free, safe, and secure right now? How would you inhabit and embrace life differently, if you knew this to be true? What wise discernment, or discriminating awareness, could you access if you could see without distortion?

My own experience has been that it is only in solitude that I am able to truly listen, and begin to perceive what I actually have, what I already am. Sometimes, solitude initially feels uncomfortable or even dangerous, but with time and willingness it has shown me that I am full in my own presence. Through this practice I have grown my capacity to be present with what is, and to not only tolerate but befriend my own pain, confusion, and difficult emotions. I become an inexhaustible presence for myself! We want this from others, but the secret is that we can give it to ourselves.

Meeting myself in solitude has gifted me direct encounters of my own intuition - direct experience of my own consciousness. It helps me to distill truth from all the chaos and confusion “out there.” It helps me find inner/higher guidance, and make peace with whatever decisions I choose. In solitude I find my sovereignty, which was there all along awaiting my discovery. In solitude I finally realize that it is impossible to be truly alone, because we are innately and infinitely a part of the bigger whole of consciousness, and of existence. We are inextricably connected to something beyond our limited perception of our little self - we are already permanently admitted into the only truly important club!

A conscious practice of solitude does not necessarily make my life always easy or simple, but it does offer a profound deepening of my recognition of who and what I am, and where my true power is to be found. And the growing of this capacity opens the way for an embodied experience of ‘existential confidence.’ When I understand through direct experience that my joy is not dependent on getting what I think I want, I release my grip and relax more into simple presence and acceptance. When I am not trying to get something from other people or situations, I am naturally much more available to give freely. When I know the fullness of my own company which is always available to me, I grow my capacity to be more present with other people.

Whether you live and work with others or alone currently, giving conscious solitude a significant place in your life will bring incredible, unimagined blessings to you. What I mean by ‘conscious’ solitude, is that you bring to your time with yourself a willingness to be present with whatever arises. Become aware of your habitual flinching, and distractions such as social media scrolling, emotional eating, calling or texting friends instead of being with yourself, over-exercising, or any other tactics you may use to sidestep the direct experience of the initial ‘void’ or resistance that conscious solitude reveals.

With patience and willingness, you may come to deeply treasure your time in solitude, as it becomes a safe space of truly honorable and compassionate friendship with yourself. You realize that your inner well-being does not depend on other people, or on external events or circumstances. YOU are HERE for yourself - always! You begin to genuinely want to use your own thoughts in service to your highest good. You become more discerning about the stewardship of your energy, and more willingly responsible for the quality of your own daily frequency.

The winter holiday season will test most of us with extra social invitations, which may often be felt as ‘obligations.’ And if we find ourself in a chapter of life without much access to or desire for family or community, this season may test our ability to make peace with the default of solitude, at a time when the dominant collective messaging is about joining with others, extra-generously.

I believe that the best, most generous and loving present you can give to yourself and others this holiday season (and always!) is your inexhaustible presence with your own self, and all that arises when you stop distracting and distancing from the truth of your beautiful, wondrous, fully whole and complete natural essence. Make a heartfelt intention to increase your conscious attention to yourself in solitude, and prepare to be amazed at the expansive radiance you will tap into, and then begin to share with others! See what happens when you enter a holiday gathering standing tall, calm, radiant and open-hearted, in your newfound knowing of your existential confidence :).