Groundlessness is Necessary
on a spiritual journey
When I was navigating a divorce twenty years ago, a friend gave me Pema Chodron’s helpful book, “When Things Fall Apart.” Here is an excerpt:
“To stay with that shakiness — to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge — that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic — this is the spiritual path. Getting the knack of catching ourselves, of gently and compassionately catching ourselves, is the path of the warrior. We catch ourselves one zillion times as once again, whether we like it or not, we harden into resentment, bitterness, righteous indignation —-harden in any way, even into a sense of relief, a sense of inspiration.”
People finding themselves in the worst-hit areas from the recent ravages of Hurricane Helene, are still of necessity operating in active survival mode, and for them this message may be premature. But perhaps Pema’s words here can be of some help even in urgent life-or-death scenarios. She goes on to say:
“If hope and fear are two sides of one coin, so are hopelessness and confidence. If we’re willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be exterminated, then we can have the courage to relax with the groundlessness of our situation. This is the first step on the path.”
I think most traumatic situations follow somewhat predictable stages (much like grief). Stage one being the trauma event itself, which often simply happens to us. Our immediate survival response is generally followed by exhaustion, depletion, and grief. There may be a profound requirement for deep rest and compassionate care. Any subsequent ‘rising strong’ will be most sustainable if the resting phase was sufficiently honored. Many hurricane and flood survivors will eventually feel the pull of inspiration sufficient to make meaning of their experience, and move forward in profoundly wise, resilient and positive ways….but this cannot happen for most until the time is right, after however much rest they need in order to re-integrate themselves after the profound disorientation.
“Pain pushes until a vision pulls.” - Michael Bernard Beckwith
When I am confronted with crisis, tragedy, and life-altering losses, I find it helpful to remember how the steps naturally flow, so that I can do my best to respect this necessary process, both for myself and for others. Honoring my true need for REST has been my biggest learning curve. Everyone with an open heart is feeling the collective pain right now. Therefore all of us need extra rest, care and compassion during these times. Even as we may be harnessing energy to help others who are still in the first phase of navigating the crisis. First responders need extra care and compassion!
Catastrophic disasters can rock us to our core, show us both the fragility and the resilience of life, and remind us immediately of what is most important to us. When the ground we thought we could count on drops out from under us (quite literally, in the case of the mountain floods), the loss of control may be temporarily terrifying. I was deeply moved by a story of a survivor of the NC floods who lost her 7-year-old boy, and his last words before he was swept away were, “Please save me Jesus, please protect me!” This small child understood the need to surrender to a higher power, and because of his words his mother said she is comforted in her greatest loss.
I have had a hard time finding the mental and emotional space this week to write this blog-post. Many in my own community in SW Florida have lost their homes and their vehicles, and they are still needing help and assistance with the basics. It feels good to help, to be of service. I can also truly appreciate the enormity of the blessing of helpers who come in fresh from other places that didn’t experience the trauma. Hearing on the radio yesterday about what the Samaritan’s Purse groups are doing for Helene recovery efforts, brought to the forefront my warm memories of how they helped us so selflessly in our time of great need after Hurricane Ian in 2022. It tends to be the independent, grass-roots coordinations like this that are able to give the most significant and immediate help. If you are able to give money, please give it to these smaller boots-on-the-ground relief efforts, rather than to the large, encumbered bureauracracies.
The way I see it, there are only three things we can truly count on. 1: our true nature, or our own inner Self; 2: our union (whether we feel it or not) with the all-knowing consciousness that is Love, and 3: constant change in the external world, which we witness and engage with as spiritual beings having a human experience. To help me relax and get to sleep during turbulent times, I reach for spiritual texts. I find them very comforting, as they remind me of my true nature, and my highest purpose (Self-realization). One of my favorites, which found its way to my bedside table this week, is “Where Are You Going?” by Swami Muktananda.
Trauma, upheaval, disorientation and loss are the hardest experiences and our greatest teachers. Whether you are going through it yourself, or witnessing others in the experience, we are all inextricably connected and united (even when it doesn’t feel that way!) because we are all expressions of the same source energy. And so we will feel a degree of another’s trauma, sometimes almost as it it were our own (and in a way, it is!). My mind always wants to circle back to the usefulness of sustaining core personal self-care practices, as much as is feasible in all times of life. Maybe these practices look a little different in times of dislocation and stress, but as long as we have a beating heart and a working mind, we can choose a heart-led response to life’s events, and in this way find our secure footing in the groundlessness that happens.
And as I am signing off here….we are getting upgraded weather reports to expect another hurricane on our part of the coast in a few days! Time to make a bug-out plan.