The Gifts of "Tribe"

and the work we must do to succeed in community

Last week I posted a re-cap of the Vegan Wellness Retreat I had just attended, and I received several comments from folks who were unable to attend but shared with me their deep longing for a sense of community - for a sense of meaningful belonging in a like-minded tribe. I think this is an ache shared by most of us, in our relatively disconnected, distracted, on-the-go modern culture.

“Tribe” in the modern sense can be simply a social group with a strong bond based on deeply shared values, and often shared purpose. Organically over time, our vegan fruit-festival tribe has developed deep kinships as so many of us return year after year to dip our toes in the bliss of a few days of loving live-in community. We’ve invented shared traditions, agreed to emphasize mutual support, and articulated a mission to change the world with fruit and compassion! We are a group of people choosing, for a variety of personal reasons, to buck the norms and pursue an uncommonly conscious, health-focused path.

The fact that people travel from all around the world to gather at these festival/retreat events is a testament to our natural human need for tribal-type gatherings. We all have other family and friends we connect with, yet they may not share our passion for a more natural, fruit-centric, conscious lifestyle. We need our fruit-tribe, to remind us of our natural vitality and celebrate it wholeheartedly together.

When we gather here, we have all left our regular lives for a brief moment in time. Our parting at the end of the week always seems to come too soon…just as we are settling in and deepening our bonds. “If only we could all just LIVE here!” is a common lament. “Hey, why not?!” is usually the next refrain, and with that we start up our forever dream-conversation again, enthusiastically painting an imaginary scenario in which we as a collective have our own land, structures, and a grand plan to make it all happen and bring our friends and families to share the joy.

Underneath our dream-euphoria, though, we know that it’s complicated. Most of our friends and family don’t share our enthusiasm for this vision, so we’d have to leave them behind. Also, most of us have little to no training in true community living - and I mean the daily up-close, messy, real, raw, and risky kind. We’ve been programmed to protect our personal finances above all, and when we are being truly honest, most of us are reluctant to give up our claims to privacy and independent decision-making.

We may not consciously own this programming and resistance, but I suspect it is the primary reason why most of us are not already living in tribal-style communities. And then there is the unspoken suspicion that we will be challenged to rise more fully into our power - to show up for others every day, to be more fully seen, to make more proactive contributions, to be counted on. We sense the unique demands of up-close community, knowing that our best self will be called upon, and our lower selves called-out. Deep-down we know that community-living will not rescue us from ourselves, but will instead insist on reminding us of our own individual sovereignty….and this frightens most people. And so, it remains a pleasant fantasy which feeds our endless ache for deeper connection.

I have witnessed many sincere attempts at live-in community fall apart, often dramatically, and usually due to the unfamiliar intensity of the experiment coupled with a woeful lack of effective, responsible communication skills. Underneath these surface symptoms lurks the true source of the tension, which is that people are joining the project with an impossible expectation that community will fill the aching void they have not addressed in themselves.

Cults are able to get established because people who have not grounded themselves first in an experience of their own divine wholeness and personal sovereignty, are vulnerable to the coercion and control of a charismatic, confident authoritarian leader. The ache to belong again, to reconnect ourselves to something, is so powerful that many will suffer great personal sacrifice for the illusion of belonging to a cohesive group.

While similar issues can arise whether in a tribe or a cult, the cult uses many tactics to attempt to coerce and even force loyalty and conformity, whereas the kind of modern-day tribe I am exploring here generally relies upon good-natured cooperation, genuinely shared values, personal responsibility and integrity, and revolving leadership. Though on its face this may sound wonderful, it can only succeed to the extent that its members are self-responsible, grounded individuals who are prepared to sacrifice outworn comforts for their sincere desire to proactively learn, stretch, grow and evolve together, for the greatest good.

I dream of the day when we will collectively return to a more tribal way of intimate, meaningful, purposeful, fruit-full community living. I believe this is close at hand, if we will take up the task of preparing ourselves! Great communication is a must, of course, but before that can evolve in a truly genuine and loving way, the deeper groundwork must be laid in each individual. For when we each bring enough stillness into our lives to remember the wholeness of who we really are, and when we each reconnect to the loving Source that supports us all, we will bring that sacred, sovereign knowing into the group. At last, we will know the joyful satisfaction of our dreamed-about co-creation of harmonious, sustainable community living.

Resources to help you on your way. Stay tuned for more to come soon!