The Trigger Dance

How do you navigate your triggers?

A few years ago, I shared with a friend that I have a goal of becoming ‘un-triggerable.’ Her response was “That’s impossible!” I shrugged and said, “I don’t know, but I believe it is somehow possible.” This was during the early years of the covid-era, when it seemed that nearly everything was becoming politicized and emotionally-charged. Calm, grounded dialogue was beginning to feel out of reach.

I revisited this quote by Scott Fitzgerald:

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.”

For me — forever interested in the pursuit of the next level of self-development and personal growth — this super-charged environment was a perfect theater to dramatize emotional reactivity, making it easier to really SEE how our triggers play out on the stage of daily life. I became more determined than ever to get a back-stage pass, to get access to the hidden causes behind our chronic human reactivity, and to finally find the key to healing my own.

When we react emotionally or impulsively, instead of responding in an empowered way, it’s a clear sign that we are triggered. When we blame, shame, attack, push our views, raise our voice or get defensive, we are triggered. When we sulk, withdraw, or run away, we are triggered. When we dwell in sadness or anger, we are triggered. Also, when we pressurize or frighten ourself, speak negatively about ourself or feel sorry for ourself, we are triggered. The first step in the trigger dance is to RECOGNIZE when we are triggered. Only then can we hope to choose a graceful next step.

One of my own most frequent internal triggers is pressurizing self-talk. I tell myself I need to please others, or frighten myself with stories of not having enough time or resources. I can trigger my nervous system into uncomfortable overdrive with imaginary claims of overwhelm, or conjure up a fear of falling behind into chaos, or imploding under unmanageable pressure. I learned long ago that I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) meaning that I am one of the 20-30% of humans naturally born with a highly sensitive nervous system — which then readily picked up imprints in my early childhood experiences — making me highly vigilant as well as easily overstimulated. This combination can lead easily to frequent experiences of emotional “flooding” and nervous system dis-regulation, if I am not aware of my needs and confidently able to set loving boundaries for myself.

Being an HSP may be what urged me to decide consciously to learn to understand and overcome the triggers causing my suffering. Yet all of us have a nervous system, and early imprints form neurological pathways that lead to our own personal patterns of reactivity. When we identify our unique imprints and subsequent reactivity tendencies, we can intervene and effectively rewire ourselves, and rewrite our script.

Perhaps you react when you feel unsafe, confused, caught off-guard, criticized, or blamed. Or maybe your core trigger arises when you feel ignored, dismissed, misunderstood, or abandoned. Maybe you just can’t stand it when someone speaks as though they have the upper hand, or assume moral authority over what is right, wrong, or true. All of these triggers stem from a core childhood imprint, now embedded deep within our psyche and nervous system.

Reactivity patterns stem from early childhood imprints, but they continue throughout our lives because of a lack of grounding, true self-awareness, supportive tools and community, and clarity of purpose (or internal compass setting). It’s easy to fall in step with the collective dance, which could be called the “He-Said/She-Said,” or the “I Should/You Should” dance.

When I decided that a raw vegan way of eating was the healthiest path for me, I had to commit consistently to a lot of internal and external re-wiring! I had to raise my ideas about self-responsibility, and self-respect, up a big notch. The same is true on a path of non-reactivity.

If you are weary of the endless suffering caused by reactivity patterns, a good first step is to bring more periods of quiet and stillness into your days. Just this shift will allow you to begin to see more clearly. Writing down what you observe about what tempts a reaction in you can be really helpful. Notice where and how you feel the reactivity in your body, and what tends to happen next. This kind of intentional self-observation will help you to see your most common patterns. We react to the words and behaviors of other people, to the conditions in our environment, and to the thoughts in our own mind.

Once you see clearly what is happening on exhausting repeat, you can decide what you would like to change in yourself. There are many intervention strategies, and most begin with pausing to collect yourself before you respond. Just today, I returned a friend’s call and he thanked me for my perfect timing, because answering my call saved him from impulsively reacting verbally to a neighbor’s upsetting behavior. It takes a lot of practice, but we can learn to do this for ourselves — to pause, slow down, widen our lens, feel our feet on the ground, take a conscious breath, let the initial rush subside, and choose a different response. We do not have to keep defaulting to the old imprints forever.

If this sounds like a bit of work, it is! But the alternative is to keep suffering with our destructive reactivity. My experience is that it becomes exciting and inspiring for people when they have an effective map and tools, and they begin to feel the benefits of a steadier nervous system and newly emerging self-mastery.

When I began my raw vegan journey, I learned that the two bodily processes that use up the majority of our available energy on a given day, are the conduction of digestion and emotions. Simplify what you eat, and learn to navigate your emotions with grace and poise, and you will be amazed at how much energy is recovered for all the other parts of life.