What are you hooked on?

I’ve had an interesting, challenging week. First thing Monday morning, a gardener who was digging a hole to plant another tree for me, accidentally cut my buried internet cable in half with his shovel. Today while I am writing this it is Friday, and I still have no internet service. I was just told ‘hopefully next Tuesday’! REALLY? Sometimes I go to the library where there is somewhat reliable service, other times I limp along with my phone hotspot (which only works occasionally, due to our weak cell service). All week my feelings about this situation have vacillated between big frustration and the surrender of acceptance.

It has been an opportunity to observe my attachments. Tuesday night was the presidential debate, and I wanted to watch it, and the response to it. WHY? What am I hooked on? I certainly don’t take my guidance from any of these leaders, and for decades I have not trusted in our big institutions or mainstream talking points. I wanted to engage with this because I am hooked on finding evidence of the tide turning, of people awakening, of positive, conscious shifts toward a happier, healthier world. I wanted to watch it because I am curious, and I want to have a pulse on what people are seeing and hearing that influences their opinions. It helps me relate to all people, across the gap I’ve created by choosing to walk on a less common path for my journey. I still choose to consciously and conscientiously hold all of it within me, somehow. Being aware in this more comprehensive way helps me navigate sticky places with people who are uncomfortable with my views.

Tuesday morning, I stopped to chat with a neighbor while walking my dog. I mentioned my downed internet, and she asked if I might want to come over to watch the debate with her and her husband that evening. One of those very touchy conversations ensued, in which I realized that she had made some big assumptions about me, and how I navigate the world. Up until this moment, she and I had kept all of our conversations in “safe zones.” Yet now she volunteered that she and her husband were up to date on all the covid shots, and that she wished other people would do the same. I shared a few of my reasons for not consenting to the shots. She brought up Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., and said she used to respect him greatly, but now she thinks he is “a total lunatic.” She then said that maybe we should not watch the debate together, after all. I decided to rescue our neighborly relations by reframing it all in a much larger perspective, in which we remember to see our shared humanity and common ground.

When I got home, this neighbor called me at the same time that I was writing a text message to her. She wanted me to know that she had realized the negative intensity of her comments, and she wanted me to know that just because she thinks RFK Jr. is a total lunatic, doesn’t mean she thinks that I am a total lunatic for respecting him (!). The text I was writing to her was essentially just to express my gratitude for her and her husband as wonderful, caring neighbors (they are!), no matter their world-views. Clearly, we both wanted to take care to preserve the positive connection we have enjoyed for the past 8 months since I moved into the neighborhood.

I had a long conversation with another good neighbor this week, in which we made a conscious decision to share some of our conflicting views with each other, for the purpose of getting to know each other better. In contrast with the previous interaction, this one was grounded in the mutual consent of two people who were able to make space for opposing views to coexist in a peaceful and enlightening dialogue.

Miraculously, my hotspot connection worked steadily the night of the debate, and I was able to watch the whole thing. I found it to be incredibly disappointing and disheartening. I expected this, but still it was hard to watch. The aftermath is equally painful, and also a bit fascinating. No matter what team you are rooting for, or if you are for any of them - if you were paying close attention, I think you’d have to admit that the whole thing was just another installment in a long and dishonorable charade, and it was a huge disservice to the American people who are sick and tired of all the gaslighting, and who want real answers and solutions to real and pressing problems.

Actually, I think this debate will wake up a lot more people to the level of dangerous games that are being played on a grand scale, at our expense. The old story of the farmer who remains neutral comes to my mind: when something happens and the people around him say, “Yay! This is good!” he says, “We’ll see.” And when another thing happens and the people around him say, “Oh no! This is terrible!” he say’s “We’ll see.” And in this story, the “good” things turn out “bad,” and the “bad” things turn out “good!”

I am still hooked on finding the other people out there who believe as I do, that “The journey of conscious living is a path of constant inquiry into what is true and what is real.” (Gay Hendricks.) I want to find more people willing to ask themselves, “Where did these thoughts come from? Where did these feelings come from? Are these my authentic thoughts and feelings, or did someone program me to think them?” (Gay Hendricks.)

I am hooked on finding out which people even want to live consciously in this way. It requires a deeper focus and commitment, these days, as the deception has become more and more insidious and pervasive. It is somewhat understandable that so many people are giving in and simply “going with the pack,” but at the same time I believe it is more important than EVER that we all pay very close attention, in whatever way helps us most to be grounded and honest, in ourselves and in our relations with others. (Okay, I admit, drama may still have one of its pernicious tentacles hooked around some human spot in my brain somewhere….at least when the drama is happening around things I do still deeply care about.)

There is a spiritual perspective that ultimately helps me fully unhook myself and navigate these turbulent times with grace and power. And, I believe it is essential that we each take active responsibility for the situation at hand, and one honest way to do this is to stay very curious and open; do not let yourself get entrenched on any one side of a narrative. Question everything – especially the origins of your thoughts and beliefs.

“Awakening is a deeply personal inward journey that is largely unique to the one experiencing it. The sooner we learn to trust our own process and the truth we find within, the sooner we can let go of the need for external validation. That’s where peace and power align with love.” - anonymous

“Everyone has a different set of fears and traumas to integrate, so no two ‘awakenings’ are the same. The darkness doesn’t go away, but instead becomes a bearable complement to the light. The end game is an acceptance of all that there is, both light and dark, intellectual and intuitive, transient and eternal.” - Martin Geddes