What is Presence and Why Does it Matter?

In a world that celebrates doing, performing, impressing, pleasing, proving, controlling and judging — BE-ing is a rare gift. In a world so distracted, ‘over-informed,’ and increasingly incoherent, Presence is a welcome return to wholeness. It is, in fact, our loving natural state of non-reactive availability. A young baby arrives like an empty vessel — open and available, curious and alert, unself-conscious, guided by sensations, and blessedly unable to judge or control any of it.

We manage to soon fill that tiny open vessel with our own tensions, value-judgments, and urgencies. And gradually the child’s atunement to its natural state weakens. In our adult society, we have come to accept reactivity, disconnection, control and manipulation, and to value outer-world accomplishments above all. We seek to impress ourselves and each other with how much we can get done in a week….or, with how much stress and hardship we can claim. We live in a state of chronic tension and striving, and we have quite literally forgotten what true Presence feels like, much less how to return there.

When I experienced a deep burn-out years ago, I was forced to release many structures in my life, to clear a space for my recovery. It was in this extended period of extra space that I slowly returned to the joy of Presence. We often speak of ‘being present,’ and that is indeed a wonderful gift we can give to ourselves and to each other….yet I wish to distinguish Presence in a larger context than simply attending quietly to the moment at hand (which is of course a great starting place!).

Presence is where we truly know our wholeness, and feel our connection to the Love-Source of all life, the Life-Force that we cannot become separate from (only distracted from). Returning to Presence is like merging with the space behind all the happenings in life, or being like the sky behind the clouds. It is feeling ourself dissolving into the spaciousness that contains it all — everything. In Presence there is no effort to be made, no tension, no urgency, no reactivity, and no need. There is nothing to grasp, nothing to defend, nothing to solve, plan or control. Like the baby, we are open, empty, available, observant, aware, and allowing of all of life.

I think we have all glimpsed this state many times, yet we don’t know how to maintain the embodiment. Life’s many pulls and imprints quickly hook us back into distraction, exhaustingly narrow focus, and inner tension.

Presence matters because it dissolves stress and tension, enables true connection to Self and others, and gives us access to wisdom. Knowledge may come from external sources, but wisdom is found within — when there is sufficient stillness and spaciousness. Just imagine for a moment, how different our world would feel if everyone in it remembered how to access Presence every day!

It’s not easy to find words to describe what I mean by embodying Presence. It’s an energetic frequency, a vibrational tone that is felt throughout the body. I feel it like a quiet euphoria, a pervasive subtle tingling, and an expansive heart — a calm, safe, vibrant aliveness. Like the ultimate feeling of connection, and rightness of being. I find it is much easier to return to this natural state when I am alone, and in nature — walking barefoot through a quiet forest, floating in the ocean, lying under a tree canopy or under the stars, standing in the rain, sitting in the sunshine….when I am alone, and especially in nature, I feel more free to tune into the natural vibrations all around me, and to feel the depth of our resonance.

I find that the more I protect this kind of time for myself, the more I am able to extend the duration of my felt connection to this state of Presence, even when I return to the land of other people and activities. As with most things, the more familiar it becomes, the easier it is to do it — or in this case, to BE it.

When I am with other people, or in a distracting, noisy, or extra stimulating environment, I find that I need to remind myself about Presence! I can easily be caught by the dazzle of the moment, which might cause me to talk excitedly or reactively, get hooked by stressful thoughts, or move and do at an uncomfortably fast pace. There is nothing wrong with enthusiastic talking or doing, except that it tends to veer me further away from the blissful connection I feel in the relaxed state of Presence.

Learning to bring Presence into relationship matters, because it is how we will cultivate healthy, real connection and communion with each other. In Presence we naturally listen, and offer unconditional Love and compassion. In Presence we already feel safe and connected, and so we release our attachments and agendas. We have no need to control the outer world, or other people. We are not trying to get anything. We already feel whole, and sovereign, and we simply feel a natural desire to connect with others for fun and communion. We are not seeking conflict, and we are not looking for problems. We are living in Love.

Bringing Presence into relationships begins with slowing down and pausing often, to consciously BREATHE and give ourselves a chance to remember what Presence feels like in our body. We need to pause and “scroll out” to encompass a wider lens, and begin dropping into it, like bringing ourselves behind the clouds into the expanse of sky, or under the waves to merge with the whole of the ocean.

A simple example is when I am lying in bed in the morning just after waking up, I might have a random stressful thought pop into my awareness, such as something that could go wrong or must get done that day. My initial reaction might be to feel suddenly stressed or anxious, and I will feel my nervous system ramping up into irritation. These body cues are often my first signal of disconnect, and my cue to remind myself about Presence.

One way I begin is to focus on feeling the comfort of the bed I am lying on, notice the beauty of the morning light playing on the walls, feel my feet touch each other happily, stretch my arms overhead (in other words, notice the simple beauty around me, and the good feeling of being in my body rather than the distractions of the mind). Now that I am more present in the reality of the moment, I will use my mind consciously to envision myself expanding out beyond or behind the temporary thoughts and reactions, and coming into the larger Presence that contains it all.

Instantly, I have now put the thought in its rightful place — a temporary visitor that I can choose how to greet (or ignore), and my nervous system feels relief, as I have now told it that it was just a false alarm. Presence is a space of safety, and it is a nurturing space because it is our connection to the Big Love that is always available for us if we will simply remember that it is who we are / what we are made of.

Just like any other skill, this requires some training. We have all been programmed to treat our thoughts like truth, when in fact the vast majority of them are nonsense and all of them are unreal. Presence is what is real, and this is perhaps the most important thing to remember in life.

If you want to greatly enhance your ability to touch Presence every day, and to begin to bring it to your relationships and activities, eat a diet of whole plant foods, mostly fruit, and spend a lot of quiet time in nature on a regular basis. This is a fast-track to unburdening the body and mind, and opening the beautiful, blissful heart-connection that makes life more joy-full.