Doing the Difficult Things

I think we have all faced times of procrastination, or avoidance of something we perceive as a difficult thing. If it’s just a small thing, and only sort of difficult, a little self-nudge or promise of a reward might get us into necessary action. But if it is, or is perceived as, a really big difficult thing, nudges and promises are usually not going to be effective.

We want the result, but we are not getting into action. We understand what is needed, but we are not changing. The primal, survival part of our brain that is forever seeking safety convinces us: “Don’t do it, it’s dangerous!” Usually what feels dangerous is that it’s uncertain. The primal part of the brain is addicted to feelings of safety, and it hates uncertainty and unpredictability.

Here are 3 really powerful questions to ask yourself when you are avoiding doing something important that feels difficult:

“What am I resisting?”

“Why do I resist what is good for me?”

“What am I afraid of losing by stepping into the difficult?”

We know from experience that doing hard things requires attention, uncertainty, and stress tolerance — and all of these require energy. Finding myself faced with resistance to committing myself wholeheartedly to something big, important, and difficult, I asked myself these questions. My responses were along these lines:

Please, I don’t want to get hurt anymore! (primal brain)
What if I give it my all and still fail?
I don’t want to find out that this doesn’t work, either.
It might take too long to get results, and I might run out of patience or energy.
I might lose my hope for a real solution, if this one doesn’t work after all my effort.

It’s helpful to face these questions, and honestly acknowledge our fear-based answers — with compassion and understanding. We ALL have subconscious programing running beneath our awareness, and these questions can at least begin to tap into the self-sabotaging kinds of beliefs that have become ingrained over time. You CAN change your relationship with your mind, but you cannot simply force it to do the most difficult things - you need to understand WHY it resists you.

Armed with this understanding, it is possible to make a conscious DECISION to “take the reins.” Memories of past failures, pain, humiliation, or discomfort with responsibility will surface still, but when you are determined to understand the process, and take the reins, you can discover something truly amazing: the incredible neuroplasticity of the mind, defined as ‘the ability of the brain to form new connections and reorganize itself as a reaction to new experiences or information.’

Each time you overcome resistance, you create a new neural pathway. Over time, with persistence, new pathways accumulate and monumental, life-transforming leaps and changes become possible. It DOES take energy and persistence to reprogram, restructure, and rewire neural pathways. Start with the smaller things, and begin to think of each step as a ritual, an integral part of the inner awakening that is bringing you home to your Self, and your wholeness.

When you approach challenges from this perspective, you may even begin to crave the difficult, believe it or not! It makes sense to me that the higher we reach, the bigger challenges we may face. The magic happens when we learn to embrace these challenges with gratitude, and determination to overcome — because we trust that the challenges are just what we need to pull us along on our journey to what we TRULY want: to know for real the peace and coherence of our sovereign wholeness.

We won’t realize our full consciousness and empowerment without facing and overcoming difficulties. We know this - and still we resist. It’s true that ‘old habits die hard,’ so we have to find a way to take the reins with determination, but also with deep understanding and compassion and try a NEW way, not as a bloody battle but as a sacred rite of growth, self-love, and self-realization. Rather than attempting to eliminate resistance, how about collaborating with it? Dialogue with the parts of you that are resistant. Find out what these parts are afraid of. Meet them. Acknowledge their pain. Ask for collaboration with them.

Find deeper meaning for the actions you wish to take, and turn your actions into rituals and rites of passage. Speak powerful, positive language to yourself, and about yourself and your life. If it helps you to have external accountability support, find an accountability partner or hire a coach. You are not alone in whatever your biggest challenge might be.

I found inspiration recently in the book: Power Vs Force, by David R. Hawkins. He discusses the levels of human consciousness, from lowest to highest presented in this order: shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, pride, courage, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace, enlightenment. True personal power begins to emerge with the higher levels - starting with courage. There is an extensive chart in the book about “Power Patterns in Human Attitudes.” It is a beautiful list of powerful ‘attractor patterns,’ each one contrasted with its corresponding weak pattern.

Examples (power on the left, weakness on the right):

Accepting / Rejecting
Allowing / Controlling
Aware / Preoccupied
Believing / Insisting
Challenged / Impeded
Courageous / Reckless
Determined / Stubborn
Inviting / Urging
Leading / Coercing
Orderly / Confused
Powerful / Forceful
Steadfast / Faltering

The list takes up 4 long columns! I like to study it, and pick out the ones most applicable to whatever challenge I find myself facing. I find it offers truly helpful ‘reframes’ to aid in the process of rewiring thinking and attitudinal patterns, restructuring neural pathways, and finally taking the reins of personal power. Unlike force, which brings only temporary results, true power inspires and motivates endlessly. When we embrace our power, doing the difficult things becomes the perfect challenge to help us become what we truly want to become.

“Pain pushes until a vision pulls.” - Michael Bernard Beckwith

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